ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
