I hope mine doesn't look like that
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
