i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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