I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
