The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
