Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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