I wannas sexs uuuuu
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
