I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
