i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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