we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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