Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
