just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
