So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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