Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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