TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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