Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
