she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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