Have you finally orgasmed yet?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have aggressive nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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