this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
