please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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