You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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