As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
