break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
don't judge my taste in strippers
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
