both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
