who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
