My sheets look like a crime scene.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
