did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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