I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it wasn't lemon gatorade
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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