using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
