while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
