my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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