I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
false alarm, still single
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