ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
