it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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