so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
