remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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