So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
