I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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