My hair reeks of homosexuality.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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