i think my tv is drunk
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
