I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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