After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
