This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
