I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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