The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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