Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
