the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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