This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
