How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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