I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
