yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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