I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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