Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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