his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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