He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
