I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
