Umm I'm too high to move.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
