Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
where am i from again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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