We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
