Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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